Christmas Stocking

You have to love Christmas don't you?
The adverts start way back in August, guilting you into spending your money on that special someone or child, because if you don't make some overt grand gesture on a day, which mythology tells us some 2000 years ago the son of God may have been brought forth in a stable and visited by sheep worriers and members of a far flung (and probably Muslim) Royal family or three, then the fact is that you clearly don't love the assumed target and you may as well throw acid in their face.
As such every year there is a parade of toy and perfume adverts and charity pleas dominating TV from about September, Dingles in Exeter will have a Christmas Display up before I celebrate my birthday (clue, it's not in December. Or November.) and the radio is an endless mewing of old Christmas hits and new stock recordings.

Take this year for example, the novelty of Facebook campaigns aside (that was soooo last year man) the likelihood is that everything will return to normal and the UK Number One will be a glorified karaoke competition winner who has furthered the TV ruining career of a man who spent more time in the mirror admiring his teeth than removing the trousers from his armpits.

The X Factor will no doubt regain the top spot, it's challenge coming from John Cage's 4′33″ which would amount something of a speculative gamble, because, let's face it, kids are more likely to buy something with the word 'Fuck' in it.
The song it will be vying with (release date conveniently moved closer to Xmas to avoid last years issue, Cowell may be an idiot, but he's not stupid) is a cover of Biffy Clyro's 'Many Of Horror', delicately renamed 'When We Collide'.
Now on one hand you could argue that this is a good thing - an alternative rock song used as inspiration for Christmas Number One!
However, what glorious message are we having jammed down our throats in this time of peace and love?

Sample lyric:
When we collide we come together
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise I know your worth it
When you hit me hit me hard

You said love was letting us go against what
Our future is for...

Many of horror
Our future's for many of horror

Yes that's right, everyone has rushed out and bought a song about being the recipient of domestic abuse. What is this the fucking Eastenders Christmas special? At least when Iron Maiden got there with 'Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter' it was tongue in cheek. I'm sure parents can't wait to have a whole load of pubescent girls growing up singing 'I know your worth it when you hit me hard'.
Jeremy Kyle must be rubbing his hands with glee.

As I am writing this I find that my prediction is true, Facebook campaigns failed dismally, Simon can laugh once more as he has made enough money to buy all the stocks of teeth whitening he'll ever need. Again.

But what of the metalverse?
Well Corey Taylor has recorded a Christmas song I won't even comment on right now and all the magazines are filled with stock critics polls, readers polls as every puts their collective feet up and sips a warming Absinthe... here at History Towers we could strive to keep pressing on with our journey, but like most Xmas traditions (over indulgence, drink driving and spousal abuse) not even I am immune to the charms of a top 5, 10, 15... whatever so I thought I'd give you a round of the best and the worst that I have heard in 2010.

Unsurprisingly I got carried away and to make this a little more bite sized I decided to break it down into three parts:
This introduction
Top Five
Worst Five

So I'll let you get on with it.