Czech, Mate.

Unless you have been in a minimally conscious state (http://oneloveforchi.com/) recently and you like Heavy music it probably hasn't escaped your attention that Richmond Virginia Heavy Weights Lamb of God have currently gone back to their roots.
IE they are at home without a singer and no prospect of touring.
So what has heralded this return to their Burn The Priest days?
The Czech legal system it would seem.

Having arrived a day early ready to play a show in Prague on the 31st June, David Randell Blythe was arrested at the airport and detained facing charges of Manslaughter for killing a fan at a previous concert in the country.
The alleged incident took place in May of 2010 when Blythe supposedly pushed 19 year old fan Daniel Nosek from the stage. The kid apparently suffered a head injury, lapsed into a coma after the show and died from the injuries 29 days later.

News initially broke on the Czech news site Novinky.cz, who reported the fan tried to get on stage a number of times leading to an altercation in which he was thrown from the stage, hitting his head on the concrete and suffering the fatal injury.

Having had to cancel the show in Prague and remaining dates lined up the remainder of Lamb of God have been flown home to await the fate of their friend and vocalist.
Despite have dumped up the 4m whatever the Czechs use for currency (equating to about $200,000) Randy Blythe STILL as of time of writing remains in jail pending release - first because of a delay due to there being a double bank holiday in the Czech Republic and then secondly because of an appeal by the Prosecution following the extended stay.
The wheels of justice turn slowly in the former Eastern Block country it seems…

So the question is, Is Randy Blythe guilty?

The answer of this probably lies deep in the psyche of any rockstar post 8th December 2004.
Look down to the bottom of this page.
Two words: Nathan Gale.
That night will forever remain in the memory of most metal fans, yet alone peers, friends and colleagues of Darrel Lance Abbot, cruelly gunned down in front of his fans, his band mates, his friends and his brother.
From that day on any member of a heavy music band, any band in fact, probably shits kittens every time someone else gets on stage these days.

There is plenty of video footage online with shaky cameraphone footage of the alleged incident, in fact the guys over at Metalsucks.net have covered this infinitely better than I will be able to here (http://www.metalsucks.net/2012/06/29/freerandyblythe/) and here (http://www.metalsucks.net/2012/06/28/breaking-randy-blythe-arrested-in-prague-on-charges-of-manslaughter/), but the crux of the issue is that of the three YouTube videos allegedly documenting the issue it is only on the third one that Blythe even touches the kid and even then the security guard with him actually throws him from the stage.
Kind of like in the second one where the kid is thrown off by security guards.
If anything it is this incident that would have done it and there is an interesting report at The Gauntlet of the venue security complaining about Nosek's behaviour here (http://www.thegauntlet.com/article/525/25720/Security-Guard-At-Center-Of-Randy-Blythe-Ordeal-Tells-Victim-To-Calm-Down).

The kid in question is seen rushing the stage and interfering with the show numerous times before Randy gets involved with what may as well be a love tap. Whilst the venue is a stage diving friendly club I doubt there was a standing invitation to get on stage and fuck with the band.
If anything this tragedy is a case of over exuberance and death by misadventure.
Having been in plenty of moshpits and suffered plenty of gig related injuries I have to point out that you go down the front at a metal show or you get on stage it's a full contact sport that you enter into at your own risk.
I'm not saying the kid deserved to die, but suing the 'wealthy singer of an American band' when evidence would suggest it was a security failure smacks of opportunism.

Frankly I may not be a Fancy Dan lawyer or anything but if Blythe is to be charged with manslaughter, what the fuck are the two security guards doing walking about free?
The circumstances of this trial are extremely bizarre as the band were not notified of the charges until they landed which would mean that the US Government failed to pass the information on. The family themselves certainly did not come forward quickly with the accusation.
More importantly right now due to the ridiculous wanglings of the Czech legal system the Prosecution having managed to string this along until the 9th July due to Bank Holidays filed their objection to bail, bail incidentally which had already been paid in a timely fashion, and as of the 9th July the Prague Municipal Court had failed to rule on this objection so Blythe has remained in a Czech prison since the 31st June.

For his part Randy has reportedly remained in good spirits and is sharing a cell with a Mongolian and the two are teaching each other their language skills, so at least someone is walking with him in hell.

For me this throws up two issues.
The Czech Republic is not exactly known for impartial judgement. Accusations of corruption, poverty etc still hang over the country and to me this seems like a ridiculous shakedown of someone who is perceived as being in a rich band. Plus he has paid his money, this move seems destined to extort more.
The amount of musicians who have rallied round the Lamb of God singer include Slash, Ozzy, Avenged Sevenfold, Unearth, Machine Head, Christ the most vocal has been Oderus Ungerus of Gwar.

How long before heavy bands aren't going to want to go to the Czech Republic if a case such as this is allowed to come to bare?
The worst part of this is that it has taken an online deluge of Twitterings to even get the attention of the US State Department, American news stations etc.
One of your own is essentially being held hostage in another country.
Jack Bauer wouldn't take this shit.

The last issue I have already touched on.
Metal shows, you should know the drill - this kid did.
If you are going to be a cock then you have to expect consequences. Again I am not stating this is anything but a tragedy and I am sure that Daniel himself would be mortified to learn that Blythe is being charged with this murder, but at the end of the day he put himself in this situation where he got manhandled by security.
Their job is difficult - I have been thrown about in the past, but then it was because it was a savage gig and some people were being dicks. I went over, got put down and thought 'That's enough for me'.
This kid kept going back and now a terrible accident has occurred.
To be fair to the accused in this case I can't see what he did that directly contributed to Daniel's death, (again why are the security no being detained?) yet alone warrant this treatment from the Czech's, it is not like All That Remains NRA windbag (and talented vocalist) Phil LaBonte who claims to carry a piece with him on stage after Dimebag, Randy showed fair restraint and patience and certainly didn't sack the kid in like the security.

Whatever.
Hopefully now that a full working week is in order pressure will be applied and hopefully next week will see Blythe back home with friends, family and bandmates.

In the meantime some of the eyes of the world are watching.
 Spread the word:
#FreeRandyBlythe

Next time I promise I'll write about festivals...

Missing In Action

So this last month and a half I have been inundated with literally five inquiries as to when the next installment of angst that is A Brief History Of Metal would appear, well the truth is that I have experienced a serious, and I do mean serious lack of inspiration from the music industry. The following things have brought me nothing but disappointment:



Josh Homme sues Kyuss Lives!
About a month or so ago John Garcia (non-crowd interacting, LSD taking, equine fetishist and voice of Kyuss) released a statement in which he claimed Homme (Tank top wearing riff lord and revolving door curator) had issued a cease and desist order to the members of Kyuss Lives to prevent them from dropping the 'Lives' and reverting to plain old Kyuss.

 

In this statement Garcia, possibly bitter, attacked Homme saying that once the Ginger, sneering QOTSA frontman discovered publishing rights it was the end of Kyuss as a song writing unit. Further to this he added that there is a clause that states unless at least two original members of the band are in Kyuss Lives, it cannot be Kyuss. If true this is a cynical move from Homme, not entirely without merit granted, but it leaves a sour taste that such a great unit collapsed because of industry greed and now isn't allowed to continue because an already rich and disinterested man wants to protect his assets.

 The next thing shouldn't come as a surprise, it is of course the Black Sabbath Reunion.


A little more to the left please Bill...

Bill Ward issued a second statement saying definitively that there was no chance that the original four creators of heavy metal would be stepping onto the same stage this summer as they could still not reach an amicable agreement… I mean for fucks sakes… I can't even find the energy to rattle off the same tirade again about this travesty.

An amusing aside to this was all weekend at Download they were teasing the crowd with 'Is it the greatest PR stunt ever!?!' line.
Was it?
Course it fucking wasn't and true to my word I went and thoroughly enjoyed Rise Against with a pint and a rock and roll cigarette on my Jack Jones rather than watch three multi-millionaires take the entire audience for mugs.



To be honest with you there were several other little stories that made me think I was beginning to not actually like metal anymore, but one is the most heart breaking.
A fair way back when it was a fledgling fart in the ether, rather than the professional juggernaut it is now I guested on Glewcifer's Midweek Alternative with a piece about Roadrunner Records, the accompanying article can be found here.

 

Well earlier this year I was rocked (and that's not rocked in a good way I should highlight) by news that Roadrunner had axed Roadrunner Europe and Canada. My whole point on the MWA show was that Roadrunner America had its head up it's ass and one of the main reasons why they had success was because of the support and dedication that it's frontline staff had shown. Least we forget that without the hard work in Europe which made bands like Machine Head, Slipknot, Fear Factory, Trivium, Lamb of God and the list goes on, so successful before our brethren across the pond woke up to the fact that Limp Bizkit were not the only band out there then metal would be in even sorrier a state than it is right now.

 As news broke it seems that not only were the staff axed but it was done so in a cold calculated manner.
Whilst I cannot stand baby faced, Daddy sponsored Metallica tribute act Trivium, frontman Matt Heafy twattered "I wish I knew who or what to blame specifically, and chew off it's heads - but Roadrunner records just fired some of their best employees. I don't know if it's corporate greed or it's due to the fact that no one puts value in physical art and that piracy created a domino effect."
He continued: "But our friends who are being tossed away so quickly by the label are now out of jobs. These people helped bands get where they are today.Wanna defend piracy? Do what you do for me and 10,000 others for free. Whatever your trade is - give me that for free or You're a jerk. "My heart goes out to my friends who have been delivered this awful news today. You helped us get where we are. You're in our thoughts."

Now not getting side tracked by the piracy issue, I would say the fault lies more with parent group Warner Music who have decided to shut down the UK and European offices of Roadrunner Records in a 'bid to save money'.
This is from a board of directors who allegedly (according to Metalsucks.net) 'top Warner brass like Lyor Cohen gets paid over $3 million per year to show up to a Ghost show in a limo and stay for two songs. While label president Jonas Nachsin gets paid who knows what, then shows up to a Korn listening party, professes to be SO ecstatic about the signing, then can’t recall the name of the new album he’s about to preview to the press. While countless other high-level Warner employees live in an old-world record label / big money mentality.'

As they rightly point out losing one of these designer suit wearing douchebags could have saved the people who actually do the work, know what they are talking about and are passionate about their jobs. I mean sure there are back room staff like accountants, administration staff etc whose jobs can be handled by the parent company but it is worth pointing out that this is Roadrunner who also canned the guy who signed every awesome band on the label ever (this, after two-and-a-half years ago firing the other guy who signed every other awesome band on the label ever ). And a key member of their sales and marketing staff. And they fired the guy who heads up the department related to this newfangled thing called the “Internet,” ’cause that technology has no future whatsoever, right?
And in case you think Warner’s brass might be content to simply use Roadrunner as their “rock” arm, think again: they even canned the guy who signed Nickelback…

Thoroughly depressing and enough to make me wonder what's the fucking point.
Then I heard Shadows Fall 'Fire From The Sky' and suddenly a little ray of light cracked in.
This coupled with surviving the Download festival mud bath and everything begins to seem a little rosier.

Right on sue news breaks that Anthrax have had to settle out of court with Dan Nelson for defamation of character and lack of payment for co-authorship of songs that appeared on last years step back in time Worship Music.
Following their acrimonious split back in 2009 'Thrax have alleged that Nelson was physically sick and not able to perform, that he quit (several times) and was a bully who they caved in to because they were vulnerable. Well it seems that in order to keep a lid on the actual details have paid the man off.
Which is a shame because i really want to know if he did actually shit on Franky Bello's chest.

I was going to do a big article on Download, but I figure this is probably enough for a re-emergence and give me something to savour for next time as I talk you you through hiking through mud and drinking Absinthe in the afternoon. Oh and music.

 In the meantime I leave you with A Brief History of Metal's 'Word of Day':
Jizznozzle.

Expect it to be applied liberally next time.

Queen Nothing

Apologies for the delay, but I dedicated a fair bit of time to responding to a critique of my Bullet For My Valentine article from March last year by someone who missed the point and wanted us to all hold hands and drift off into the coma of mediocrity…
It took two comments to contain my response.

Anyway, The Queen is dead, long live Metallica.

That is essentially the message sent out by the British rock festival going set this summer. Queen, the Saturday night headline act announced on it's website that, with regret, Sonisphere UK 2012 had been cancelled.
The fact that the announcement has since disappeared means nothing, the damage one feels, has been done - especially as it was blasted all over Radio One the next morning.
Last month the internet whispers that had been rumbling suddenly exploded into force, suggesting there would be an announcement to the fact.

Whilst I thought that this years Sonisphere was largely awful and have spent the month in relative poverty having forked out an arm, a leg and promised first born children to the expensive hiking weekend that is Download, it is still a blow for the UK festival scene to lose what has genuinely been welcome competition to Live Nation's annual band ransom.

Download started in 2003, rebooting the old Monsters Of Rock festival into a slick 3 day summer jaunt that allowed interactivity, multiple stages and a chance to grab some of that Reading festival type camping experience for fans of harder edged music.
Sure Monsters Of Rock used to have camping, but it was all the type of thing with Pig's heads, compulsory beer drinking, park anywhere, please yourself, no health and safety officials in sight... you know, fun.
This at least would yank Neanderthal metal fans into a slicker, more savvy, technologically inclined era. And there would be showers too so you wouldn't be a filthy greebo all weekend. Unless you wanted to.
All good (clean) santised fun.

To be honest it wasn't bad actually, weekend ticket, plus camping and car park came to around £100, Maiden headlined the Saturday, Metallica played a secret show on the Sunday and Audioslave closed out the weekend having had Limp Wristed pull out in the weeks running up to it.
Having made such a success of it Download announced it had a five year plan to become the biggest rock festival in Europe and set about expanding and adding twists.
Like all things the beauty of that first year was lost a little along the way. The charm of being on the old MoR stomping ground, nestled within the track of the hallowed Donington race track eventually had to be moved due to size restrictions, the cash bars disappeared to be replaced by a godawful voucher system and then of course there was the price.
This year my Download ticket (plus early bird entry, plus car parking, plus booking fee, plus random shirt from back fee and postage) came to a wopping £218.95. That's more than doubled in ten festivals.
Given that wages haven't and we are currently in the middle of a global recession, Live Nation are still not afraid to bend you over without any lube.



Conversely the guy who pioneered Download was sacked after 2005 as the festival started to turn the screws on the fans, get bigger, moving the site and for some reason decide that every element of the place needed to be a fourty-five minute walk from everything.
Car park to campsite - 45 mins.
Campsite to village - 45 mins.
Village to arena - 45 mins
(based on drunk 2010 figures)
Last time out it was quicker to exit the arena via the carp park to get back to the campsite.

Anyway so having been unceremoniously removed from Live Nation's payroll the guy, let's call him Stuart cos that's his name, who pioneered the resurgent Download along side Andy Copping thought he would start his own venture and sure enough Kilimanjaro was born.
2009 saw the sleek Sonisphere festival announced featuring the incredible line up of Metallica, Linkin Park, Machine Head, Nine Inch Nails, Jane's Addiction, Lamb Of God, Heaven & Hell, Alice In Chains, Anthrax (with John Bush) and a whole load of other bands...
To be honest if it wasn't for Faith No More and a few others Download couldn't hold a candle to it.

The next year I went to both (a tres expensive summer...) and the comparison was huge.
Not only were the tickets affordable, but the site and numbers were smaller, there were cash bars (so you don't get stuck with £13.75 worth of unusable card at the end of the festival like my good self...) and you could leave the campsite and be at the main stage in less than a year.
And Maiden headlined.
Also it was staggered so you could see all the bands on the main two stages - a novelty compared to Download with it's millions of line up clashes.
In short Sonisphere 2010 was probably the best festival experience (for bands and facilities) since I used to go to Reading or the very first Downloads, not to mention that the staff didn't treat you like a cunt despite the hefty price you paid to be there.
I was actually moved enough to write a letter of thanks.
I shit you not.

Last year I opted out of the whole thing due to investing in bricks and mortar, but another strong line up between both - Download had 30 bands I wanted to see, Sonisphere 23... something like that. The Voice of Doom, my companion from 2010 went and said it was exactly the same. Same, friendly, reasonably priced, quality weekend and was pining his hopes that Machine Head would headline so we could all go back this year.

Last year whilst performing a post-mortem on a car crash I expressed how underwhelmed I was by Download
As time has worn on the Midlands festival has strengthened sufficiently that I have bought my ticket and Machine Head are on the bill.
The fact they are under The Prodigy and contractually positioned Chase & Status is an issue that I won't start ranting about here.
Sonisphere didn't make an announcement until February and finally proclaimed Kiss, Faith No More and Queen featuring Adam Lambert as headliners.
If I thought Download was uninspiring then this was completely disinteresting.



Faith No More I love, but they have been working the nostalgia circuit since reforming, with no intention of doing anything new and deep down you know they hate each other, besides much as the first return from absence was welcome, now this slick cash grab on the lucrative festival scene is a kin to watching the Star Wars re-edits with your young cousin... you feel you should keep quiet so they can enjoy the unique experience, but the grinding erosion and sullying of the things you loved as a youngster makes the thought of them liking this... facsimile of a band that you realise you have bitten half through your tongue so now you are bloodied, angry and in pain.

Kiss have never been embraced here by us cynical Brits, unlike our cousins from over the pond who go giddy for four dudes in make up playing average rock and roll. Having sort of seen them in 2008 I thought they'd died in an explosion, but it turns out that was just the climatic pyro.

And as for Queen being fronted by the runner up of a karaoke competition... well, in the words of Bunk from The Wire, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Now I don't like Queen particularly due to being force fed them as a child, but even I have to feel for fans of the band, for fans of music.
Who the fuck is Adam Lambert to be fronting Queen?
I'd have stayed away on principle.
Having logged on this morning and seen Queen announce four dates across the UK including one in July in London to make it up to the five people who bought Sonisphere tickets to see the Mercury-less May and Rogers flog the legacy in the way that they claimed alllllll the way in the early nineties they would never do.
My betting is that these shows will sell out, proving that this was a horrendous decision by Kilamanjaro to book them as clearly they are a band for people who are happy for a bit of souless entertainment rather than your average festival going rock fan.
I mean the Queen musical written by Ben Elton probably (like Ben Elton himself) sells out on a fairly regular basis... but that doesn't mean your die hard festival going metal/rock fan is going to accept bands of this nature clogging up the bill.

What it does highlight is the same drum I have been banging for a while.
Headliners.
With Maiden restricting their appearances to more strategic opportunities to maximise their appeal I genuinely think Sonisphere struggled to get a big name draw this year.
With Download popping out of the blocks with a sackful of cash and a setlist Metallica committed to Donington and fair enough - they haven't played their since 2006 when they did all of Master Of Puppets *grinds teeth at absence due to being on the honeymoon of a short lived marriage*.
But they have been back to the UK approximately a million times since then doing their own festival show at Wembly, at least two legs of the Death Cliptatsic tour Sonisphere, Reading, Sonisphere again and now back to Download.
Even my bosses daughter who is a child said to me the other day it would be nice to go to a festival and NOT have Metallica headline.
So who else is there?
I could use this opportunity to bemoan Machine Head's lack of opportunity, but instead point out that the downturn in the nineties and subsequent splits of bands like FNM, Soundgarden, Rage, Stone Temple Pilots, the death of Layne Stayley even the suicide of Cobain seems to have derailed an entire generation of bands.
Sure they are back now and capable of headlining, but it feels a little forced.
Couple that with Korn's pitiful output, the demise of Pantera, the directionless joke that Linkin Park have become, Sepultura and Max splitting and the crumbling of the recording industry as a money making business and there is a huge hole where bands making the stratospheric leap to global headliner should be.
That and as I pointed out to my critical friend some of them just aren't that good.

As we know, metal will survive but the question is will Sonisphere?
As the mad scramble for paying gigs begins from bands who have already booked flights and itineraries over here (Skindred confirmed for Download last week) you have to wonder how many will look to booking a festival that has struggled quite so soon after it's inception and possibly left many out of pocket and a hole in their plans.

It would personally be a sad day to lose Sonisphere as it is infinitely the better festival, with the right ethos, not mention it's existence will force Live Nation to stay competitive, but for fucks sake Kilimanjaro remember who your fucking audience are and book better bands.

On a side note I have actually been to two great gigs on the relative doorstep of Bristol.
Over the Bank Holiday weekend I had the pleasure of seeing Slabdragger, Dopefight, Grifter, Church Of Misery and Orange Goblin in my old stompin ground of the Fleece and last week took in the Jagermiester Tour at the O2 Arena featuring Turbowolf, Black Spiders, Therapy? and Skindred which was fucking excellent and at £5 the bargain of the year.

Urine Extraction

Stumbled across this whilst trawling the web today.
And I swear I didn't do it.
But I wish I had.

Another Fine Mess I've Got Me Into

Just when I think I'm out they pull me back in...

Davey Does Politics

Dave's got something to say...


Back in the eighties, old Silyvester The Cat Megadave was full of piss and vinegar.
And Heroin.
He spent his days railing against Metallica, society, Metallica, authority, Metallica, the Regan era, Metallica, God, Metallica... you get the picture, he was one angry douchebag, but this was kind of endearing at times really.
Sure he couldn't pen as good a tune as Metallica, and the whole camp of one or the other was a bit pantomime, but I for one loved the fire that burned inside the flame haired whine machine and you cannot doubt some of the epic songs he produced on Peace Sells..., So Far..., Rust..., Countdown..., even Youthanasia.

At some point between donning a plaid shirt and writing shit like 'Crush 'Em' Megadave had a spiritual awakening and found Jesus. Apparently Jesus doesn't like drunken, angry, smackheads who sing about black magic rituals so he cleaned up his act and got back to being political.
Okay so fair enough, I'm not suggesting that for me to like an artist they need to be angry and high as a kite (*cough Trent Reznor*), but I think Dave said he preferred Aerosmith when they were on drugs - well touché Silvester, tou-fucking-ché...

Recently Megadave and JuniorDave (reunited and newly God bothering bassist Dave Ellefson) have done nothing but hack on about how they want a Republican in the White House and how they are Christian.
Great.. That's wonderful!
I had a foot infection once and I don't keep going on about it because it has nothing to do with anything you are about.
'We talk about Jesus, because people keep asking us' - JuniorDave
Well tell them to fuck off with their irrelevant questions, talk about your fucking music would ya? That's what you are there to push!

And then the crowning turd in the water pipe was last week when MegaDave was interviewed by Josh Kerns for Sunday's episode of "Seattle Sounds", which airs on on Seattle's KIRO 97.3 FM radio station.
When asked if he supports gay marriage, Mustaine said, "Well, since I'm not gay, the answer to that would be no."
Dave was then questioned if he would support legislation to make marriage between a man and another man legal. He replied, "I'm Christian. The answer to that would be no."
Now I appreciate that it's a set up news story, but honestly who the fuck appointed this guy the moral guardian of American?
Republicans, opposing gay rights... get your pitchforks and torches here comes Daaavvvvvveeee!

Whatever happened to the guy who sang Peace Sells and Devil's Island or even I Ain't Superstitious?
I'll be sure to look out the lyrics on the album after your Iraq/Iran invading, Israeli supporting republican head of state is next elected.
It is this kind of half baked bullshit statements that led Hank Williams III to comment to TMZ.com that most musicians, including his own dad, are "not worthy" of a political discussion.

Save it for the cross burning, Adolf.

Larz sayz 'Youz Are All Stoopidz'

Larz reacts to continued hatred of Lulu

Sure, it's easy to tell when everyone's least favourite Metallicat has his mouth open as he is usually talking around his foot... I have tried to keep away from the contentious issue of how a once great band could continuously vomit out at least fifteen years of crap and still sell out stadiums at the drop of a hat, but sure enough the Tubby Tub Thumper was back in the meeja this week trying to act all cool on the subject of Lulu, like a teenage boy trying to impress a girl from the other side of a disco hall.

The summation?
Well get this,
'Listen, there are some very, very, very hardcore metal fans out there that like everything pre-packaged in a particular little box that looks like this, and the minute that you slightly veer outside of that, then they have a hernia.' And that's fine — I'm fine with that. People have to understand, and I think I've been saying this for the better part of 30 years now... And I understand that there are some people that resent that, because they want METALLICA to kind of just do what they want METALLICA to do'

So there we have it last - month it was 'the people he respects and listens to tell him it's great' and now it's not successful because you and I are all a bunch of narrow minded fuckfaces who wouldn't know art or good music or what have you if it bit you on the bum.
So there nerr, Lars is right and 'In about 900 years from now, people will be able to talk about 'Lulu' face to face with each other without hiding behind masks. So we look forward to that day.'

Let me pause a minute to wipe the tears of laughter from my keyboard there Mr Ulrich...

Right, I'll take your accusation, I CAN be extremely narrow minded when I want to be, I'm not, as a glance at my music collection would reveal, but that aside if I represent the very, very, very hardcore fan what about my friends? What about my acquaintances? What about Joe Public?
Let me make this clear I don't know ANYONE who likes Lulu and the piss in the ocean amount it has sold would suggest that I am really, really, really not alone in this - Christ you got a reaction out of Tom Araya over it and that guy is so laid back fronting Slayer he's like a lounge act compare these days.

So Lou Reed had his feelings hurt?
So Fucking What? (eh? eh!?!) Judging by the last couple of album reviews he got he should be used to people calling him out on making crap AND it's the same with you lot.

I'm not slating Lulu because it's different or not Metallica - I have put up with 'Tallica for 19 years now in place one of my favourite bands when you decided you were bigger than metal - I'm slating it because it's fucking awful.
The fact that Lou reed can't be arsed with more than three takes, the fact that you guys clearly didn't finish the music (but what's new there eh?) is the issue here and you clearly have your head up your ass to be so blind.
I'm not wearing a mask, I'll talk to anyone - I'll talk to you! - face to face without hiding behind a mask and to paraphrase departed hero Bill Hicks:
Quick capsule review: Piece of shit. Thank you. If you see a piece of shit don't be afraid to call it a piece of shit. Don't get caught up in the phoney debate of is it art or not. Call it what it is - a piece of shit.

I have to stop checking Blabbermouth for my own sanity...

Your Life Style Determines Your Death Style

My Great Grandfather was an Artillery Gunner in the First World War and a heavy smoker, because let's face it back in those days it was marketed as good for you.
Despite these odds he lived to a fairly decent age but eventually the cordite from the guns and the years of smoking caught up with him and his lungs disintegrated.
Why do I bring this up in a blog about Metal Music?
Well, the point is that my last memories of him were of a frail old man getting weaker and less present with each visit that got further and further apart, until sadly he passed away and as my first childhood experience of death it left a profound sadness that was in truth long overdue by the time his passing was announced.

This week Life of Agony drummer Sal Abruscato announced to the world that the band were officially calling it quits. In a interview in Poland whilst touring for his new venture, the surprisingly good A Pale Horse Named Death he stated,
'"We're not gonna play [anymore]. We moved out of our studio. We all kind of feel like we're at the end. We're never gonna make another record, because of those kinds of problems I was talking about [earlier in the interview] — we can't agree on writing a song. And Keith [Caputo, vocals] wants to pursue his life and his lifestyle. And that's pretty much the reason why also I've moved on and I'm doing my own thing… to just keep going; I didn't want my career to stop with LIFE OF AGONY. LIFE OF AGONY doesn't tour, LIFE OF AGONY doesn't do much. And so we were at a point where it was like… We did the last three shows in July [2011] and then we moved out of our studio, and that's it. I don't foresee anything in the future; I highly doubt it. I don't know how that would happen."

This statement echoes earlier hints by the band's frontman Keith Caputo that,
"We realize that LIFE OF AGONY has become an extremely nostalgic act and the music that used to not be dated, in our eyes, is dated, and the whole situation is dated. It's a nostalgia, and we don't want to take advantage of that nostalgia anymore, nor do we wanna take advantage of the fans. We've got three shows [in July 2011] and it's probably gonna be the last shows that we do for a very long time. In fact, we just may call it quits. Because we feel like we set out to do what we needed to collectively. We're very honest people, we love each other dearly, but we just can't get it on; we can't turn each other on in the studio. We hit a brick wall together, and it ain't cool. So there's probably not gonna be a new [LIFE OF AGONY] album, nor a new single… So people better start getting used to [the 2005 album] 'Broken Valley', because that's probably the last piece of music that they'll hear from the band."

In all fairness this announcement, whilst tinged with sadness, is the best thing that could happen, that once and for all LOA can be laid to rest.

I appreciate that it seems like I am eulogising a family member or a beloved pet, but personally I don't think you can underestimate the effect that music can have on you, particularly in your emotionally vulnerable formative years and those of you looking for the usual bile, I promise I'll post up something about Larz and Megadave very soon just to balance it out... but for now I am going to lament the passing of what to me, was a very important band.


I believe there are tiers of liking music - people ask you to do a top 5 or a top 10 and you can snap five automatic responses off in no time, but there are another tier of band that don't immediately crash into that list that can be held as special.
For example if you have never met me, read this blog before, then you might not be aware that Iron Maiden are my favourite band, however lyrically and on some level emotionally they are very hard to connect with - I have never been a British Solider, an Egyptian Mummy, An Ancient Mariner even, but there are bands like Nine Inch Nails (earlier works it should be pointed out) who I have felt so profoundly that at times I have had to put the album away because emotionally the weight is crushing.
For me, Life Of Agony was such a band.

LOA was formed back in 1989 in Brooklyn, New York by Keith Caputo, cousin Joey Z (guitars) and Alan Robert (guitars/vocals). Growing up in the tough neighbourhood they would all experience harsh childhoods including a back drop of abuse, absentee parents - through abandonment/suicide - and drug use to the point where Keith was sent to live with Joey.
All of which would provide the band with the ammunition to pen some of the most hard hitting lyrics committed to disc.
After playing with several drummers they enlisted the then Type O Negative (RIP Pete) drummer Abruscato and roped in his former band mate Josh Silver to produce their debut album which would become one of Roadrunner Records greatest releases, River Runs Red.


RRR was released in 1993. By and large it is considered a concept album it deals with the family struggle of a teenage boy whose life is falling apart, at home, at school, at work and in love.
The music is primarily metal, but tinged with the influence of the NY Hardcore scene that saw them drawing crowds at the legendary CGBGs night club.
This album contains some of their greatest songs - Underground, Method Of Groove, Through And Through, This Time and of course the epic title track all inter-cut with snippets of the boys week.
As great an album as it is, River Runs Red is an extremely dark journey and without trying to give too much as a spoiler to those interested, when they called themselves Life Of Agony they meant it and this is a concept album without a happy ending.
Although for the band (and principle song writer Robert) this remains the pinnacle of their work.


Two years later LOA returned to the studio to record their follow up album. Coming as a surprise to their hardcore fan base, Ugly, saw a softening of the bands style from the aggressive gang chorus to a heavy rock sound that was more in common with bands like Stone Temple Pilots than Sick Of It All.
No less emotionally weighty the album saw major contributions from Abruscato and Captuo, the latter particularly on the subject matter dealing with his parents drug abuse, his missing mother and from Roberts' part the death of his mother and the frustrations of growing into adulthood.
It is a beautiful, but downright depressing affair at times that not even the pointless throwaway cover of Simple Mind's 'Don't You Forget About Me' could lift.
Despite the radical departure and large disdain it was greeted with from the wider public LOA retained their fan base and successfully toured with Ozzy Osbourne, Korn, Anthrax and fellow Brooklynites Type O Negative.
However during one of the shows on this tour a fan fell from the stage trying to stagedive and died. As a result the band were implicated and cleared in a lawsuit but saw Captuo deeply effected to the point years later on the River Runs Again DVD he warns the crowd to watch out as they 'have already lost a life'.
Following and despite all the tours momentum Abruscato exited the band after the tour, and was replaced by ex-Pro Pain/Crumbsuckers drummer Dan Richardson.


In 1997 the band returned to the studio to record Sun Searching Sun, this record continued the bands evolution away from metal and was met with further confusion, this time from the bands fanbase as well.
Featuring some of the bands most upbeat songs the material often jars against themes of underlying depressing such as the lead single Desire - lyrical hook 'I'm comfortable feeling miserable and I never want to change'.

Despite having signed up for a world tour, waif like renaissance man Keith announced that he was no longer feeling the music and departed the band.
Undoubtedly crushed by their band mate/family members departure the band ploughed ahead, taking the bizarre step of recruiting former Ugly Kid Joe vocalist Whitfield Crane to man the mike in Caputo's departure.


Now taking a step back here I saw LOA on this tour with Crane, despite his involvement in the aural equivalent of Aids, he was actually a pretty fine vocalist (check out the under rated Medication album featuring whit, Logan Mader formerly of Machine Head and Roy from Soulfly) although trying to instil a bouncing, party crowd during heavy weight anthems like Other Side Of The River and the fact that LOA had a family orientated and loyal fanbase meant that he would never be accepted.


Couple this with the fact that the new material didn't endear itself to the hardcore following and Whit was on to a losing streak from the off. During this show I saw a tiny girl in New Roc boots axe kick a stereotypical looking hardcore dude (you know... wife beater, too many tattoos, bulging neck muscles) out cold. Her reason you ask?
She was pissed off cos they were playing SSS single 'Weeds' and it is (in her words) 'A fucking pop song'.
At this juncture I exited the pit...

Once home from the Soul Searching... tour the remaining band members decided they no longer wanted to continue as LOA without Caputo and Crane left as quickly as he came and eventually they crumbled and disbanded in 1999 with Caputo re-emerging on Roadrunner as a solo artist with the fantastic Died Laughing album.

In truth I mourned them back then and it was over until a family tragedy brought them back together. Keith's father passed away in late 2002 and the grief reunited all the band members to play two reunion shows which would be released as River Runs Again - reuniting the classic line up.


Following the success of the shows the band retuned to the studio in 2005 to record their first new material in eight years in the form of 2005's Broken Valley.
It's fair to say the album is their weakest and was not well received by their fanbase at large (although in my house I still spin it) as the music was closer to Velvet Revolver style stadium rock and the mellower moments of Ugly. After a short tour the band all but vanished again as Caputo once again reiterated that this was not the style of music he wanted to play.

And there they should have left it, but they have been playing festivals in Belgium and club shows in the states occasionally and in 2009 they performed all of River Runs Red which left me with a sour taste in my mouth. When I saw them in 2005, finally with Keith, it was clear that as much as Roberts, Joey and Sal were enjoying themselves Caputo was a man (yes he was still a man back then...) going through the motions and to see one of the most emotionally moving bands I knew almost faking it was a sad sight to see.
And so they limped on, almost reuniting every now and then for the cash top up, until 2010 when they released the 20 Years Strong: River Runs Red, Live in Brussels CD/DVD set which I have to say I couldn't bring myself to buy.

Now it seems like they have finally decided to call time on the whole affair - a prolonged and undignified death for a great band who profoundly effected my life growing up.

What happened next:

As detailed before Keith Caputo has forged a decent music career post LOA with his last full solo album A Fondness For Hometown Scars being released in 2007 and a side project called The Neptune Darlings was released last year. I have already mentioned in this blog about his transition from male to female and his annoying Facebook outpourings so I'll leave that one here.


Alan Robert has released music under the banner of Spoiler NYC which I must confess haven't heard and has more recently entered the comic book industry, writing and releasing horror/conspiracy tale The Wire Hangers in 2010 (which he has announced will be made into a live action movie) and his latest project Crawl To Me was released in 2011.


Sal Abruscato formed A Pale Horse Named Death which sees him move from the drum stool to the guitar and microphone. Their 'And Hell will Follow Me' album was released last year and is a great album that combines a hard grunge style of rock with the more gothic Type O and states "This is my pinnacle creation, the best album I have ever done, and after listening, most people are tending to agree."
Much as I love it, I'll be falling outside that category.


Joey Z formed Stereomud after the first LOA split and released two albums. I have the first one somewhere, didn't like it. Sorry Joey.
They broke up when LOA reformed and since the second split he has owned and run Method Of Groove studios in his home town of Brooklyn.

RIP Life Of Agony.

How Bleak Is Our Sabbath?

I haven't written for a while it seems due to having a 6 foot pain in the ass removed, which has mean life has been utterly mental. Trying to keep in the spirit of positivity for the New Year I have hesitated on pulling the trigger on several issues that may or may not be connected with certain Lou Reed collaborators, but that horse is well and truly flogged.

I had discovered that last year my favourite band to never really trouble the annals of fame, Earthtone9 had recorded a new EP on the back of touring and reforming. So I thought I would treat every to some metal history as occasionally happens in between fits of ranting about how truly fucked everything is.

However I haven't written that yet and I have been side tracked by a couple of things, one in particular should be considered important by all fans of Heavy Metal...

But firstly the good news that Jessie Leech is now back in Killswitch armed with a seriously heroic beard. Having gotten over the issues that lead to his departure back in the early naughties, the original (and best) voice of KsE has come home and hopefully will help them jettison the boring dross that has become their staple output in favour of, well something intense and interesting again.

But the reason for abusing a keyboard this time out has to undoubtedly be the Black Sabbath reunion...

Now I must confess to being slightly underwhelmed by their inclusion as headliner for Download having seen the original reunion back in 1998 at the NEC in Birmingham. Since then I have seen Ozzy and Sabbath in a few guises - Ozzy twice as his own solo show. The first time was excellent and the second time was fucking awful as he was clearly having one of his legendary 'off nights' and wailed like an ally cat having it's nuts removed without anaesthesia. By a blunt, rusty spoon.

Sabbath has been a mixed bag also; the Reunion shows were great - check out the CD released (imaginatively titled 'Reunion') and listen out for me. You can't actually hear my voice, but a 19 year old me was drunk as shit dressed up like Ozzy and and screaming myself hoarse...

Next time they didn't have Bill Ward, they were average, the time after that they still didn't have Bill Ward and were solid even if Mike Bordin didn't pull off the drumming with the same aplomb.

Now if I had my reservations about the live shows, the concept of the album was an even more frightening prospect thanks to the last time they got together to write and produced the execrable 'Psycho Man' or whatever the hell it was called. So having endured Rick Rubin phone in the last Slayer album and Death Cliptastic the only plus in the column is that at the end of the day the man barely inputs into the process and who in their right mind needs to tell Iommi how to make a Black Sabbath album anyway?

Then the wheels started to come off.

Iommi as I mentioned last time round was diagnosed with cancer.

However it seems that this is not going to derail their plans, so fingers crossed they got it early enough.

However on February 2nd Bill ward released a statement saying that he was going to be sitting out the reunion unless he was given a contract that wasn't 'unsignable'.

A contract that looked to give him the respect and the credit for being an original member of Black Sabbath.

This was a strange statement in itself really.

There is little secret that Ward's health has been questionable since the eighties and long ago sold his publishing rights to the early material, so is this a financially motivated holding the reunion to ransom?

It seems not and bang, almost straight out of the gates Black Sabbath released a statement expressing their regret that Bill had declined the reunions saying - "we have no choice but to continue recording without him although our door is always open."

Rumours that the vacant drum stool was to be filled by anonymous member of Osbourne's touring band Tommy Clufetos brought further outrage from the internet.

What Sabbath's statement failed to address was that in Ward's first salvo was that he clearly stated he had been given the cold shoulder and was sat with bags packed waiting for a contract that was fitting for his status.

When you peel back the layers a little bit you find that this disregard of Ward has happened for years from the Sabbath camp.


The man who fired Ozzy from the band back in 1979 left the second incarnation of Sabbath partly because of health and partly because he, as a childhood friend of Osbourne, never gelled with his replacement, the much missed Ronnie James Dio.

When they reconvened for the Dehumanizer album in the early nineties Ward was first choice name behind the stool and the same again on the fantastic Heaven & Hell project.

However the drum parts that appear on those albums were prewritten and the skin beater was expected to just play the rhythmically unadventurous lines that appear on those albums as opposed to spending time organically writing the songs with Bill's jazz/blues background, because if Chinese whispers are to be believed, Iommi is not a fan of the whole drumming set up and time it would consume working with a drummer with input. As such the songs are effectively written and the introduction of Ward as a creative writer would slow the process.

And then there is the thorny issue of those pesky publishing rights...

Back when everything was 25% it was fine for a band starting out. Now these days in the age of declining record sales publishing rights do make a phenomenal difference to how much you'll take home from album sales.

So this has all been quite factual and laying out of issues so far... I commend my measured self.

Well, Aron Ward came to his father's defense over the issue in a lengthy and passionate statement on Facebook in which he outlined that this was not greed, he was definitely committed and sat with his bags packed waiting for this contract that would give him the respect he deserves.

All of which comes down to the rub of the matter when fans started expressing anger towards Sharon 'Puppet Master' Osbourne who felt the need to respond on Facebook stating (somewhat out of the blue and irrelevantly) that she manages her husband and not Black Sabbath...


Now no disrespect Shauron, but when the original Sabbath reformed at the end of the 1992 Ozzy Osbourne retirement leg of the No More Tears tour Osbournes management (that's Shauron for those of you not paying attention) assumed mantle of 'brand control' which effectively meant that Osbourne had final say on the use of the name Black Sabbath. That's right Tony Iommi, the only consistent entity in Sabbath since it's inception effectively handed control of the name to the Osbournes - which is why The Devil You Know was released by Heaven & Hell and not the name the line up had first time round.

In 2008 Iommi sued Ozzy over this, in 2009 Ozzy sued Iommi for 50% of the Black Sabbath name and profits associated with it and the Manhatten judge sided with him citing his signature vocals as contributing to the trademark sound which is why sales declined after his departure.

Fucking shit.

Now I like the Ozzy era Sabbath above all, but without the ringing doom of the music - propelled by a drummer with a feel for groove as opposed to a fucking metronome - Ozzy could have catawalled the alphabet on Sesame Street for all I care. No doubt he contributed, as did they all, it could be argued as Butler wrote the majority of the lyrics Ozzy should have taken home less than his allotted 25% back in the day...

Just doing the maths here 50% for Ozzy, plus (I assume) 25% for Iommi and 25% for Geezer doesn't really leave a lot for a drummer and hey there are loads of people who can hit things right?

I joke, but the Osbournes have a history of this - Blizzard Of Oz and Diary Of A Madman had their drum parts re-recorded due to a contract dispute with original rhythm section Bob Daisley and Lee Kerkslade. The duo had to take Ozzy to court to gain their partial song writing credits and unpaid royalties from those albums which lead to Sharon having Rob Trujillo and Mike Bordin (both contracted under the Osbourne band pay role) to play the parts for a fixed fee on the 2002 reissues...


Ward sat out the last round of reunion gigs for very similar reasoning and Mike Bordin accepted a flat fee as did Vinnie Appice before him...

Despite lengthy periods of disharmony between Shauron and her late father Don Arden it seems the apple didn't fall far from the tree, what with them both being underhand ruthless cunts.

Now nothing surprises me with Shauron anymore; having ruined her husbands legacy on MTV with a reality show that portrayed him as a slow witted bumbling fool, incapable of doing anything for himself, it seems highly unlikely that Ozzy is the driving force behind this latest slap in the face for Ward, as despite Zakk Wylde's protestations that he is as sharp as he has ever been you need to consider the man once bit the head of a live dove in CBS Record's boardroom.

And Zakk Wylde is a moron.

So it is no wonder that the eyes of the metal world have turned to the egg throwing former wank karaoke competition judge and discoverer of fucking Chico Time for some answers.

Answers which she seems incapable of providing...

The now deafening silence coming from camp Sabbath speaks volumes.

With a tour and album deal projected to make roughly $100m over the next year we are talking big business here.

It seems the brand manager, Ozzy's manager, Iommi's manager and Geezer's manager can't quite agree on how to divide the pile equally (spot the deliberate ignoring of facts).

But frankly fuck the facts; I am sure that Ward would happily receive a large fee to be on stage with his former band mates again for the honour of actually giving the band they formed back in the late sixties the send off it deserves, but Christ on a bike the guy wants to be in Black Sabbath, like he was when they wrote Paranoid, NIB, Snowblind, War Pigs, Paranoid... the list goes on - back when he was a quarter member that had an equal say in the way the songs were written. You know, to actually decide whether to hit the Ride, Crash or High Hat symbol for himself like a grown man who has written some of the most defining metal songs of all time.

This is more than likely (or maybe even hopefully) their swan song and this is a chance to leave all the drama of the past behind and get the original and best heavy metal band of all time back together, to have come full circle and leave a resounding triumph as their legacy for future generations.

But no, the fucking business side of everything has gotten so distorted and so poisonous that four guys who clawed there way out of the slums in Birmingham to conqueror the world and pretty much invent this form of music cannot get in a room together and write a bunch of songs.

At their age.

After all the money they have made.

After everything they have been through.

I can't even begin to imagine how fucked up a situation like this must be.

I am begging you Tony, Ozzy, Geezer and especially YOU Shauron as 'brand protector' or chief gold digger, whatever the fuck you are to pull your heads out of your ass and figure out a way to get these guys back in a room and this whole thing back on track with some dignity.

I'm sure there is a way you can give Ward what he wants and still cream a great big fat packet off the top.

For fucks sake, Iommi has CANCER, Ward and Butler aren't getting any younger, Ozzy shouldn't even be alive right now. We have already lost Ronnie - was that not a wake up call to you all that time is ticking?

If Ward isn't in Sabbath in June I'm going to watch spangly yank punk poppers Rise Against instead, out of disgust for the fact that the remaining members of Black Sabbath aren't reminding their managers, wives, business representatives, whoever cannot say, for the sake of the millions of fans out there who want this, that this was about the music and the legacy of this great band.

The answer is not Tony fucking Clufetos... he might be the greatest drummer ever for all I care, but he has no right to sit there under the banner of a Black Sabbath reunion whilst Bill Ward sits at home because you can't give him the respect he deserves.


I'm not a big fan of Facebook campaigns, but seek out 1000000 Black Sabbath Fans Say Yes To Bill Ward and sign up to make it abundantly clear to whoever has the ear of the remaining members:

Just pay the fucking Bill.

Or words to that effect.